The Torah tells us in the portion of this week that after Abraham saw he couldn’t have any children with Sara, Sara gave him her handmaiden, Hagar, who subsequently conceived from Abraham. When she became pregnant, the atmosphere in the home became very strained and Sara decided to drive her handmaiden out of the house. Hagar fled from the house of Abraham.

The Torah tells us in the portion of this week that after Abraham saw he couldn’t have any children with Sara, Sara gave him her handmaiden, Hagar, who subsequently conceived from Abraham. When she became pregnant, the atmosphere in the home became very strained and Sara decided to drive her handmaiden out of the house. Hagar fled from the house of Abraham.

Then the Torah goes on to tell us that an angel found her by the fountain of water and asked her, “Where are you coming from and where are you going?” She relates how she had to flee her mistress Sara. The angel says to her, “Return to thy mistress and submit thyself under her hand.” The angel continues, “You will bear a son and you will call his name Yishmael because the L-rd hath heard thy affliction.” Then the Torah goes on to say in Chapter 13:12, “And he shall be a wild man; his hand will be against everyone and the hand of everyone will be against him; in the face of all his brethren shall he dwell.”

Now the question comes to mind (this has been asked by the Abarbanel), if the angel of G-d was sent from G-d to console Hagar in her moments of grief and distress, how is it possible that he not only did not console and comfort her, but in addition brought such a terrible, heartbreaking message – that her son will be a wild man? What mother wants to hear this about her child? In her mental anguish, how did the angel of G-d expect Hagar to respond to this kind of a message? What was she supposed to do now, commit suicide? Anyone in this kind of a situation, hearing an angel of G-d saying such thing, would have become absolutely despondent and desperate. How is it possible that an angel of G-d would bring Hagar this kind of heartbreaking news at such a terrible and serious moment in her life?

The answer to this may be as follows: The angel came to tell Hagar, “Listen; you must understand and realize that your condition and position will now change. You are going to give birth to a child. When you give birth to a child and become a mother, you have a much greater responsibility than you ever had before. You must consider how this child will be brought up. I can only guarantee that if this child remains in the desert he will be a wild man because he will grow up without any guidance, without any education and without any proper influence. Even if you have to go back to your mistress and suffer under her hand, it’s all worth it. For after all, you will be the one to profit from it. Your child will be brought up in a home under the influence and guidance of such a holy man as Abraham. This is worth everything in the world – to have a child brought up properly and to know that you will have some kind of pleasure from him in later years, even if you have to suffer now in order to accomplish it.”

This is the message of the portion of the week. Torah comes to tell us that we shouldn’t think that bringing up a child happens by itself or is easy. Bringing up a child is tied in with sacrifice and suffering. There are many times that a mother and father have to do certain unpleasant things which may hurt or cause them suffering. The ultimate result and profit from the investment, even if it means suffering, is worth it. Parents who want to have life easy, refuse to devote themselves to their children, don’t want any discomfort because of their children, allow their children to be brought up on the streets and then expect them to walk on the right path, to do things right and conduct themselves properly, are making a very serious mistake. The only thing that can come from bringing up a child without the proper discipline, guidance and priorities is that the child will grow up to be a “wild man.”

These are the children who later bring grief upon the parents. These are the children who are the cause of so much heartache and family disturbances. If parents would only do a little “Cheshbon Hanefesh” and understand that bringing up a child is not an automatic and simple thing, they would certainly live a different type of life and ultimately see the kind of nachas every parent wants to see from his child.